The choice is YOURS!

Regan Schreiber, Head of Boarding at Hazlegrove Prep School writes about the importance of how we message our children during lockdown, of the potential to talk about it in terms of pride and achievement rather than the issues which it has thrown up for us all. 

Parenting is hard enough without Lockdown. But we need to ensure that our children continue to develop, grow and progress throughout this time. It is not about marking time; it is not about getting through; and it is certainly not about sitting back and waiting for the normal to return. We need to embrace this. But how? 

Not just surviving Lockdown but flourishing during Lockdown. 

We heard it when we were young and we say it now, loud and clear, to our children: It’s your decision and your choice to be happy or sad. It really is that simple. 

A small table was moved to the lounge. The rickety chair that lives in the corner, covered by neglected laundry, makes an appearance. A dusty circle remains, the evidence of a lamp being moved. My clothing ironed and my shoes polished. Laptop charged; and my lessons planned. The alarm is set for 5:30am – Why so early? I hear my bed scream…You live at school and lessons only start at 9am! Things are going to be different this time around. I am going to embrace, engage, connect…I am going to continue to grow despite the added challenges. 

(Can I just interject here and say that I am not one of those super-positive, optimistic-no-matter-what, always-cheery people, who make you feel exhausted after just meeting them. But I am a teacher who realises the privilege offered to me to teach and influence young children and as a parent, I am someone who acknowledges the enormous responsibility that is on us from Day 1…) 

Classic FM blasts from my 90s style clock radio. I jump out of bed, get dressed and grab my camping chair and laptop and head for outside the front of the school. I set up my improvised studio – another installment of These Times – a two-minute devotional video for the children…and for me! I need this. I think they do too. I need to gather my thoughts and choose to be engaged, connected, positive. It is my choice. 

Parenting is hard enough without Lockdown. But we need to ensure that our children continue to develop, grow and progress throughout this time. It is not about marking time; it is not about getting through; and it is certainly not about sitting back and waiting for the normal to return. We need to embrace this. But how? 

Too much screen time, not enough exercise, too much snacking, not enough fruit and water, too much complaining, not enough broadband, too much work, not enough time…

“When we were young…” We love to share our stories with our children – of the good old days. When school was tough, haircuts were short, food was disgusting, sport was played in the cold – barefoot; and teachers meant business! We tell these tales like parables – eager to share a lesson learnt. Our children too, are now living their very own “When we were young” days…

I think their tall tales will be: When we were young, we had to wear masks to school, sanitise our hands every 30 minutes, had to stay at home and work on computers with something called Teams and Zoom – where our teachers would force us to show our faces and unmute, where we had to sit on a chair all day long, with no exercise and if we weren’t on a screen, then we were being told to exercise in our rooms! But I also think that our children will say: 

We realised the importance of staying in touch, of seeing friends in the flesh, of a hug. They would also proudly say that they learnt how to connect using social media to the very best of its range – how powerful it can be in connecting others and engaging with friends scattered all around the world. They will smile when they tell of a time when they could work at home and in their down time, help with lunch and share a meal at home. They will get teary-eyed when they tell of how good it felt to know that they were playing their part in keeping others, like granny and grandpa, safe. They will also reminisce about loo-roll stock-piling and baking bread, day after day. 

We need to help our children to fill their story book with positive, life affirming moments that will help to define their identity. Lockdown is a forge, refining our children’s character – making them kinder, more tolerant, more patient and independent children; with a greater sense of self-confidence, integrity, self-respect, independence and a deeply profound sense of being able to make a difference in the world. 

Parents, let’s bin our feelings of fear, anguish and anxiety. Let’s sanitise ourselves of those feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness and let’s claim this Lockdown, like our children will, one day. Here’s to us saying things like: 

When I was in Lockdown, I managed to keep working, whilst helping with Latin, French, and GCSE Maths! I helped build robots and write speeches; I mastered Teams and Zooms and embraced screens; and still managed to cook three meals – and hundreds of loaves of bread! And let’s tell our children that we did this all, with a smile – seeing this as a blessing and not a curse – that we had the privilege of seeing our children, up close and personal, learning and growing. 

Tonight, when you go to bed (after you have taken out your work clothes!), tell your children how proud you are of them for embracing this chapter in their lives, and make them adopt, as you have, an attitude of positivity and growth. And then flop down and take a deep breath, knowing that you are doing your best and that you have helped your family make the right choice. The choice to be happy. The choice to learn. The choice to grow.